Not Mine...But this Is.

Lately, I have been having these dreams. I dream that I am being chased or watched by the abuser. Normally I would say "my abuser", but the thing is I really want to let this go. I no longer will lay claim to this man as "my abuser", for he was not, never was, and never will be. I work on reclaiming my life and making it what I dream to be. Mostly, I just wish I wasn't dreaming about him. My nights are unrestful to the point that I don't even want to go to sleep sometimes. I rather stay up than have to face him all over again. But I am not weak. Alot of women and men who have been in abusive relationships, deal with feelings of guilt and maybe even worthlessness after leaving. As for me I know within my own thoughts that I am worthy of someone both loving, kind, and smart. Yet, I haven't really brought this thought into actual existence. Instead, I daydream of the day when I am ready to have someone in my life. After all it's my life, and I'm still trying to make sense of it. Since my life is mine, I accept that as a fact, and it can't be taken away. Alot of times I fear that someone will come and steal it away from me. But for me to fear the unknown isn't helping me to grow or heal. So as I continue to move on I will no longer say that the abuser is mine, because he abused others. He took a piece from so many other's lives not just mine. But this life that I live is mine.